love is a process

assalamualaikum,

today i learned something new,

LOVE IS A PROCESS.

someone shared a link today:

http://kepuncakmahligai.com/2011/11/kenapa-masih-boleh-jatuh-cinta-lagi/

interesting fact, i'd say.

without we realize, the thing that we called love is developed by ourselves.

still, we can't deny the fact that the love we feel today,

is just a small loan from Him.

thank you Allah for this wonderful feeling :)

imagine not having any affection in life.

then, all parents would abandon their kids,

all kids would just leave their parents at the old folks home when they grow up.

people will keep fighting and there will be no peace.

peace is love :)

I'm in the midst of searching my answer to all the strangled questions that would not stop banging my head.

Honestly, I am stuck between two roads.

Seriously, I can really feel the emotions when the writer writing the poem "The Road Not Taken" right now!

I think I can score 99% if I were to take the subject again! haha

Anyways, a part of me wants to move forward.

I mean, start a new life or meet new people.

Or if I can't manage to meet new people,

at least I can open my heart to accept the love from the person who loves me for who I am.

Another part of me still hanging in my fantasy.

and it seems that I am happy in it though.

A friend of mine once told me this, 

What is happiness when most of the feeling you feel is pain?

She got a strong point there, right?

Why do people find it hard to move on?

I guess the next step is to implement the new lesson:

LOVE IS A PROCESS.

perhaps a process to let go

process to face the reality

process to be mature

normally I'm a fast learner *ok perasan*

but when it comes to relationships,

I'm slow as a snail *fact*

plus, I can be stubborn as well *i'm so NOT proud of myself right now!*

but life is a learning process

i just hope i'm not too late to really start living it.

i am thankful for all the love around me.

really cool and understanding parents & siblings

non-stop support from friends 

motivations from people who dislike me (oh yeah. i got enemies and i just got to know that!)

may Allah showers them with more love in life :)

above all, I really can feel the love from Him

coz with Him, I would have the chance to feel the love around me :)

Lucky?

You bet!

I know you're lucky too!

Alhamdulillah :)

may Allah bless

not so smart

I shouldn't have press the Enter button when I decided to stalk you.
Such a stupid act!
Just great, nina!
You are breaking YOUR OWN HEART.
Could there be any more brilliant actions you can do?!

At this point, I'm so pissed with myself.
I looked at *that someone*'s page.
Then tears fell from my eyes.

Self-psyching is one of the best things I should do right now,
But I kinda suck at doing it right.
I keep on hurting myself.
Stupid right?

Hope sometimes can hurt you.
BADLY.
It's so true.

Believing hope is hard,
Accepting facts is harder.

What do you do when the person you waited said he loves you
But you know there is no chance to share your life with him?

What do you do when another person said he loves you for who your are, for better for worst?
But in your heart you're having doubts, you don't want to let the 1st person go, you keep living in your insecure dreams?

Dilemma?
You got it right.

I don't know why I keep hurting myself.
I wasn't this vulnerable before.
I can't think straight and IT SUCKS!

That 1st guy I'm talking about, well he seems happy with his life now.
So, why am I hurting myself?
Don't I have the right to move on and be happy?

Is happiness something that is so hard to achieve?
Why am I making things difficult.
What's holding my back?
Maybe I need some reconciliation to do.

Dear Allah,
Please save my soul.
For I seek Your Forgiveness.
Please grant me happiness.
Eternal happiness.
Please heal this sorrow.

May Allah bless.

September Fever

It's been a while since I last update my blog.
I keep on drafting the posts inside my head but never actually translate into the blogger template.
I guess right now writing all-in-one post is more convenient to a procrastinator like me :)

So many things happened in September.
Someone who is very dear to me got married in September.
I'd pray Allah will shower that someone with endless love and happiness till Jannah :)

A lot of things I had learned in September.
One, if people hate you, just keep loving them.
There is nothing more powerful to cure hatred than love.

Second, if you feel frustrated, just let it go.
Coz keeping everything to yourself at one go, is not gonna do any good.
People keep asking me bout my statuses in FB, Whatssapp and Skype.
Sometimes you can't get everything you want in life.
You just have to face reality and move on.

Is it easy?
Easy to say but not so easy to do.
Been there done that.

Currently, my parents keep on asking me about marriage. *lemah longlai*
Apparently, I was given a due date to get married. =.="
About love life, let's just say I'm still searching for the right answer.
Having doubts can make your life hay-wire!

I personally think that the process of choosing a life partner is the hardest process that everyone can face.
At the point off choosing the right partner, you might think that you have made the right choice, but suddenly you have doubts about your decision.
Talking about JODOH, a friend of mine, gie wrote something that opens my eyes.

"bila Allah kata belum, bukan bermaksud tidak akan. bila Allah kata ya, bukan bermaksud tanpa ujian. tapi, bila Allah kata "Berdoalah!!", nescaya Dia akan perkenankan :)"

oh Allah, grant me the best man for me.
for You are the Most Merciful.
I might have made sins previously or going to make more sins in the future,
I only seek for Your forgiveness.
I just wanna be happy, please.
Let me find that happiness.
Please grant my wishes. Ameen

May Allah bless

you control your own life

Sekarang ni banyak sangat stories nak tulis.
Tapi duk tangguh-tangguh memang la blog tu bersawang.
Nak tukar blog template pun tak tukar-tukar.

Latest news about me,
I'm having a hard time right now.
Really low sekarang.


I feel that someone is controlling me right now.
For every single word I said, it seems so wrong.
For every angle I thought, it seems not right.
For every single word I wrote, it looked like the other way round.

I feel so helpless.
The point that I felt disappointed is when I let the person control me.
I feel so low.

I really believe that each person has every right to think, believe, feel and express in his on way.
Nobody should ever over rule all those things.
It's just so wrong!

Even a slave has his own believe, thoughts and expressions.
Just look at Bilal Bin Rabbah.
He kept worshipping Allah even though being tortured by the Kafirun.

Latest study showed that there are more than 800 islamic women scholars back then.
All those beautiful ladies have their own studies, ideas and papers to be shared.

And me?
I let some stranger, not even blood related to control me.?
Gosh, I need some self-reconciling to do.

My lecturer once shared me this,
YOUR IDEAS ARE YOUR ASSETS.
It's so true!

May this be a lesson to me and everyone else.
Taking the opportunity of the Forgiving Month of Syawal,
I apologise for every single wrongdoings to everybody.
And I forgive everyone.

May Allah bless~

the one that got away

This is my current favourite song.
Tiffany Alvord & Chester the one that got away.
The lyrics really hit my heart.

"I should have told that you are meant to me,
Coz now I pay the price"

"In another life, I would make you stay,
So I don't have to say that you're the one that got away"

Today is the final day, the D-day.
The day that I'd wish I can just skip.
Heart started shattering,
Hands are shaking,
Eyes are getting blurry,
And slowly tears started to fall.
It's painful it's just like cancer deteriorating the body.

Would you just at least for a second understand how I'm feeling right now.
Sometimes I just wished you could at least feel this feeling for a minute,
I just wished I am stronger.

I said I am a strong girl.
I built a huge defensive wall all around me,
So that I wont get hurt.

But I guess,
I've lost at my own game.
I've destroyed my own wall.
Look what that got me into.
I'm suffocating.

God, please let me be stronger.
Please let me face all the challenges ahead with a big bright smile,
Please let my imaan control myself and not my emotions.
Please let me move on.

May Allah bless~