Tuesday, June 16, 2009

first time frustration

i had my internship test yesterday at 2.30pm..
i prayed so hard it'll turn good..
but i guess it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be..
i scored so bad i can't believe i failed..
i felt so stupid after hearing the results..!

i felt soo sad.. frustration lingers inside of me..
i really felt like crying but i can't..
people were everywhere around me..
i had to spare my tears.. isk2..

i then went to a mall to take some time to relax..
called mom n told her everything..
the thing i wanted to avoid happened..
i broke down..
i cried like a baby..
i cried.. i cried.. i cried..
i felt the pain through my veins..
i'm in pain..
real pain that i never felt before..
this was the first time for me and i don't really like it..

mom said, it's okay to fail..
it's just not my rezeki in that place..
mom said i should let it go..
move on! she said...

i know that's the right thing to do, but i was hurt badly..
i'll need some time to recover first..
only then i can climb again to the top..

seeing one of your dreams vanish with a blink of an eye wasn't so overwhelm..
it's hurtful..
it's painful..
but that's called life..
life wouldn't be so interesting if there's no frustration in it..
i've to face it..
i've to learn from it..
i've to grow..

at that moment, i really needed something to cool me down..
i was alone at the mall crying..
i needed ice cream!
i wanted baskin robbins..!
but i can't find baskin robbins!
i kept on walking till i got tired..
i've got ice cream emergency..!

i've made 2 more wrong decisions..!
1. i put aside my principles of not to invest in Mcdo anymore.. (i bought oreo flurry!!)
2. eating ice creams won't solve anything except i'm putting all those fat into my thighs..!!

i went home driving alone..
i cried again.. this time it was in the car while driving..
people were watching from sides of the car..
like i really care..?!

passed 2 tols before reached home..
i forgot to top up my touch n go!
the tollgate girl watched my with a strange look..
i was crying while paying the tol.!
ain't that normal..?!!

i reached home at 5pm..
my eyes were swollen..
i needed to put myself together..
i've got to go to bangi to attend a meeting at 6pm..

all in a day's work..
it's just never ends..

i plan to sleep at angah's place tonight..
to help me to forget what had happened today..
i really hope it'll just go away..

after the meeting, it was 11pm..
kak nad, abg sham, kak wan, nina, nini, kak ju, kerol, angah n hafeez went to old town white coffeee house to have supper together..
we had a great time last night.!
we talked non-stop..
wish the night will never end!

hafeez n kerol were making funny facial expressions when talking..
they babbled non-stop..
it's like their energy never stops!!
we just can't stop laughing!
i was really glad i was laughing n not crying last night.!

kak nad, abg sham, kak wan n nini went home at 1am..
the rest of us stayed for some more chat..
we chat till the workers started to clean the restaurant..
i thinked it's a signal for us to leave..
n we did..
we left the place at 2am..

hafeez suggested we find a place to sit n lepak together till morning..
that guy sure is funny!
filled with expressions!

we crashed at angah's place for a dvd movie..
we even cooked maggi at 4.30am in the morning!!
at 5.45am, angah, kerol n hafeez were already asleep!
so much for overnight!

now is already 7.25am in the morning..
n they are all sleeping..
i can't really sleep..
my mind keeps on wondering about what happened yesterday..

please pray for nina to be strong!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

battle within

love to listen to miley's the climb... really got my attention...

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep tryin
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
theres always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

something's going on inside of me.. it's fighting.. i feel so down right now.. i feel i ain't the same nina like before.. it's like i lost myself.. i duno y..

seeing my frens' enthusiam really made me realize that i really need to change.. i love seeing nini's happy-go-lucky face, the opposite side of angah which i never know, kak nad's spirit.. their feelings keep on burning every second n mine hasn't started to flame yet.. isk2.. please help nina.. senpai, please push nina.. please dun stop pushing me... i hate it so bad but it really helps.. quoted from kak ju, 'i don't care how bad people wanna mock me becoz its the critics that make you a better person'.. thanks kakak... it really made me think deep..

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


sgt2 bizi..
nk hupdate tp tade mase..
outta ideas + words..~
what's happening to me..?!
give me my life back..!