Wednesday, September 26, 2012

love is a process


today i learned something new,

someone shared a link today:

interesting fact, i'd say.

without we realize, the thing that we called love is developed by ourselves.
still, we can't deny the fact that the love we feel today,
is just a small loan from Him.

thank you Allah for this wonderful feeling :)
imagine not having any affection in life.
then, all parents would abandon their kids,
all kids would just leave their parents at the old folks home when they grow up.
people will keep fighting and there will be no peace.
peace is love :)

I'm in the midst of searching my answer to all the strangled questions that would not stop banging my head.
Honestly, I am stuck between two roads.
Seriously, I can really feel the emotions when the writer writing the poem "The Road Not Taken" right now!
I think I can score 99% if I were to take the subject again! haha

Anyways, a part of me wants to move forward.
I mean, start a new life or meet new people.
Or if I can't manage to meet new people,
at least I can open my heart to accept the love from the person who loves me for who I am.

Another part of me still hanging in my fantasy.
and it seems that I am happy in it though.
friend of mine once told me this, 
What is happiness when most of the feeling you feel is pain?
She got a strong point there, right?

Why do people find it hard to move on?
I guess the next step is to implement the new lesson:

perhaps a process to let go
process to face the reality
process to be mature

normally I'm a fast learner *ok perasan*
but when it comes to relationships,
I'm slow as a snail *fact*
plus, I can be stubborn as well *i'm so NOT proud of myself right now!*

but life is a learning process
i just hope i'm not too late to really start living it.

i am thankful for all the love around me.
really cool and understanding parents & siblings
non-stop support from friends 
motivations from people who dislike me (oh yeah. i got enemies and i just got to know that!)
may Allah showers them with more love in life :)
above all, I really can feel the love from Him
coz with Him, I would have the chance to feel the love around me :)

You bet!
I know you're lucky too!

Alhamdulillah :)
may Allah bless

Saturday, September 22, 2012

not so smart

I shouldn't have press the Enter button when I decided to stalk you.
Such a stupid act!
Just great, nina!
You are breaking YOUR OWN HEART.
Could there be any more brilliant actions you can do?!

At this point, I'm so pissed with myself.
I looked at *that someone*'s page.
Then tears fell from my eyes.

Self-psyching is one of the best things I should do right now,
But I kinda suck at doing it right.
I keep on hurting myself.
Stupid right?

Hope sometimes can hurt you.
It's so true.

Believing hope is hard,
Accepting facts is harder.

What do you do when the person you waited said he loves you
But you know there is no chance to share your life with him?

What do you do when another person said he loves you for who your are, for better for worst?
But in your heart you're having doubts, you don't want to let the 1st person go, you keep living in your insecure dreams?

You got it right.

I don't know why I keep hurting myself.
I wasn't this vulnerable before.
I can't think straight and IT SUCKS!

That 1st guy I'm talking about, well he seems happy with his life now.
So, why am I hurting myself?
Don't I have the right to move on and be happy?

Is happiness something that is so hard to achieve?
Why am I making things difficult.
What's holding my back?
Maybe I need some reconciliation to do.

Dear Allah,
Please save my soul.
For I seek Your Forgiveness.
Please grant me happiness.
Eternal happiness.
Please heal this sorrow.

May Allah bless.

Friday, September 21, 2012

September Fever

It's been a while since I last update my blog.
I keep on drafting the posts inside my head but never actually translate into the blogger template.
I guess right now writing all-in-one post is more convenient to a procrastinator like me :)

So many things happened in September.
Someone who is very dear to me got married in September.
I'd pray Allah will shower that someone with endless love and happiness till Jannah :)

A lot of things I had learned in September.
One, if people hate you, just keep loving them.
There is nothing more powerful to cure hatred than love.

Second, if you feel frustrated, just let it go.
Coz keeping everything to yourself at one go, is not gonna do any good.
People keep asking me bout my statuses in FB, Whatssapp and Skype.
Sometimes you can't get everything you want in life.
You just have to face reality and move on.

Is it easy?
Easy to say but not so easy to do.
Been there done that.

Currently, my parents keep on asking me about marriage. *lemah longlai*
Apparently, I was given a due date to get married. =.="
About love life, let's just say I'm still searching for the right answer.
Having doubts can make your life hay-wire!

I personally think that the process of choosing a life partner is the hardest process that everyone can face.
At the point off choosing the right partner, you might think that you have made the right choice, but suddenly you have doubts about your decision.
Talking about JODOH, a friend of mine, gie wrote something that opens my eyes.

"bila Allah kata belum, bukan bermaksud tidak akan. bila Allah kata ya, bukan bermaksud tanpa ujian. tapi, bila Allah kata "Berdoalah!!", nescaya Dia akan perkenankan :)"

oh Allah, grant me the best man for me.
for You are the Most Merciful.
I might have made sins previously or going to make more sins in the future,
I only seek for Your forgiveness.
I just wanna be happy, please.
Let me find that happiness.
Please grant my wishes. Ameen

May Allah bless