Monday, February 25, 2013

talk about failure


It's been a while..
Busy with stuff going on at home and office.
Something happened today.
I sat for Part 1 CIA exam.
If you don't know what CIA is, it's stand for Certified Internal Auditor.
Aiming for Amanina Fasihah, CIA yaww~
Okay tu goal 2013, insya Allah.

Anyways, took few days off to study kononnyelah kannnn..
on Thursday, managed to settle 1 chapter,
on Friday, 1 chapter jugak. 8 more to go (dalam hati mmg konfem tak sempat) pluss celebrate birthday my daddy my hero and malam pulak birthday my aunt @.@
on Saturday, 1 chapter jugak (7 to go).. then pergi food tasting and pilih design hantaran kat USJ.
on Sunday dah masuk mood gelabah macam Mr. Bean.. managed to cover 2 chapters (5 to go).. Then managed to complete hundreds of trial exam questions. Sumpah banyak!

Then this morning, I sat for the exam.
Seriously gelabah sangat.
My hands were all sweaty from morning until the result went out.
Mmg dalam hati super tawakkal.
I'd pray I wanna make my parents happy
Coz I thought my real goal is to make them happy by passing the exam.

I was wrong.
I should have set my intention right.
I failed the test.
Yeah I did.
It was a close result.
Passing mark is around 600.

But I'm fine with it.
Who says it's easy to be successful?
Successful is not measured over the number of medals or trophies you have,
Nor the number of failures you faced,
But the value that you learned from all those bittersweet memories.

I've learned mine.
Next time I'm setting my intention right.
I wanna be a CIA because I wanna be a good muslim CIA whom can better served the religion, race and country with His blessings insya Allah.

Something I came across today,


Earlier in the morning, I really really really wanted to pass the test,
But when I failed, I realize that I don't want to pass the test if that event is not really meant for me.
So, it's okay to fail sometimes.
Cause it'll help me to really realise that success doesn't come easy.

Well that's it for today :)
Hopefully it'll benefit you too.

May Allah bless ^^

Monday, February 4, 2013

bottling up everything

assalam peeps,

i wanna share with you guys the miserable life of someone who holds everything to oneself.

Allah had created everyone with feelings.
they cry, laugh, angry, sulk and much more.
with a slight feeling in the heart,
the feeling is shown directly to the body gestures up until face expressions.

I know someone who has problem managing her feelings.
She likes to bottle up every single feelings except anger.
She feels that showing anger will solve everything.

But she never realizes that that feeling hurts other people too deep.
Every wound was not healed by soothing words,
But was dabbed with more and more salt.

She was soo lost alright.
She feels that showing compassion will destroy her ego.
Showing mercy will hurt her precious ego.

What she didn't realize is that,
The people whom loved her soo much,
Were the people she hurt most.

How selfish she was.
What was the reason that she had turned into an egomaniac person?
Well, she feels that people don't her feelings matter to everyone.
Each time she spoke her true feelings,
People just pushed them away,
As if they weren't important.

At a point, she was stucked between two roads.
One, she really really really wanted to go to the route coz she thinks that she'll live happily at the end of the route.
Second, she felt she had to chose the route because people thinks its the best for her.

She really wanted to pass through the first road.
But trying hard to learn to break the ego-wall,
She chose the second route.

Becoming lost with her own emotions,
She find it easy to put blame on everyone,
And making them hurt is the best solution.
She becomes resigned (pasrah) with her choice.

People around her whom were so patience and loyal to her,
Were crushed with her harsh words and attitude.
Honestly, deep down in her heart,
Those actions were not hers.
They were based on her ego conscious.
Those actions were stupid.

She learned something today,
Finally she had awaken from her deep-ego sleep.

Someone showed her the true meaning of redha and pasrah.
If you would ask yourself,
In this life, do you normally redha or pasrah?

Do you understand both meanings and can you differentiate them?
What is redha and pasrah?

Redha is something that can be classified into two:
- Redha Allah towards His servants
   Allah showers us with endless nikmat, love, compassion every second in our lives.

- Redha from Allah's Servants to His Lord
  Being greatful, thankful to Allah for all His mercy and compassion towards us.

Pasrah is the feeling of aceepting something/condition without doing any action.

So, let us ask ourselves, where do we stand?
Within His Rahmat or really far from His side?

Back to the girl's story.
She had always felt that every decision made by her family,
She had to accept it with good faith.
But all this while, she had pasrah and never really learn the meaning of redha.
Never thought that all her actions are leading her away from Allah's blessing.

But she is lucky to have really great family members.
Allah had placed them around her so that she is guided on the right track.
It's okay to do make wrong decisions,
As long as you really believe that decision will make you a better person,
And to make you closer to Allah.

And I'm lucky that I knew that girl,
So I can learn from her mistakes,
And try to be a better muslimah,
Insya Allah.

Let us muhasabah and istikharah,
So we wont misguided from Jannah.

May Allah bless

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

another blessing year :)


All Praise to Allah

You Bet!

I had a great, wonderful and memorable birthday celebration today!

Turning 24 today!
Getting older and wiser i hope ^^

Had a great day!
This year's birthday was a lot fun since abg is around :)
Dad went to work but joined us for dinner :)

Pictures tell 'em all!

Was scrolling something and found a nice du'a to start my special day

Mom made us her special chicken chop for lunch! Thank omma!!! 

Someone came over and sent me a cake. A HUGE CAKE!

Tadaaa!!! A Rainbow Cake!!!!!!! This was soooo on my wish list! Thanks kamu!

And as expected, MORE RAINBOW!!! *drools*

Mom was excited praying and singing birthday song. 
Okay I overjoyed the most. 
Abg was like "bole rilaks tak?" 
I was like "suka hati laaa" :p
It felt like I was four and mom sang birthday song! 
How time flies~~

Family photo!!!
Dad wasn't around as he went to earn a living for us :p
The theme was Rainbow Madagascar.
Aiman made everyone wore the madagascar scarfs.
Abg the Melmen
Aiman the Alex and
Mommy the Gloria
It was hilarious!!!!

Squeeze all of that fun into one photo!!

Got a Whatssapp message from Abg Azhar and received this picture.
Comel gilos okay!!
Too bad the kittens are open for adoption!
If I'm not an asthmatic patient, I would definitely adopt these little fellas!!!  

Aiman made me smile when she posted a photo of us and wrote nice things for me :)
Thanks sis!
You're the ONLY sis I've got.
Love you till Jannah :)

My lovely NIECES made me cupcakes written HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIK NINA <3 <3 <3 <3
Comel sangat okay!
Pandai anak2 sedara cik nina buat apam :)

Zue from ICC Family posted last year's photo.
Okay my tudung was kinda serabut.
It was 4am in the morning!!!!
I was dozing off when suddenly everyone popped out a cake in front of me!
Thanks Zue!
Thanks ICC-ians!
Can't be any lucky than this :)

My dearest friend Nadzirah Ramdzan posted a really long lost photo of us.
It really touched me.
We had great times together.
Yes we fought. we cried. we hurt each other sometimes.
But we cure every wound with more and more love.
That is the beauty of friendship.
Thanks syg for the wonderful 6 years together.
Spain 2014 perhaps? ;p

18:38 Hrs.
Officially 24 Years Old.
Okay I know,
Gambar Memang Tak Bole Belah.....
Tak kisah laaa..
Setahun belum tentu sekali buat bende ni..
Vanity can be fun sometimes!

Pressies time!!!!
Aiman bought me this cute bag.
She said, please change your laptop bag and use this bag to work.
I wonder how would the reaction of the pak guards looking at me wearing this bag ~.~
Belasah jelaa~~~

Kak Ogy gave me this lovely kain.
I'm so in love with the material.
Kurung modern perhaps? 

Got a special present from someone :)
Best of all, it's purple!
Falling in love with it every second.
I'm naming it PURPLY PODDY!
Cheesy I know.

Dad finally joined us for dinner!
Went for a LOBSTER dinner!
Thank you Allah for the rezeki you have granted to us :)
It was yummy indeed!

Had a really long, wonderful day!
Couldn't ask for more
Coz I think I was blessed A LOT today!
Thank you for the ENDLESS wishes and prayers!
only Allah will pay all of your deeds!
I pray Jannah to all Muslims and happiness to all non-muslims friends and families

I can't choose my parents,
Indeed I've no say in choosing my siblings.
But if I've to choose any of 'em,
I'd choose my family members.

Thank you Allah
for the warm and cosy family

Thank you Allah 
for the wonderful friends

Thank you Allah 
for the delightful rezeki

Thank you Allah 
for every tear You made me shed, You replaced 'em with a brighter and stronger smile on my face

Thank you Allah
for the bittersweet journey which made me a wiser person each day

Thank you Allah
for every breath and let me live as each seconds passed

Thank you Allah
for sending me all kinds of people around me as teachers to guide me the rights and the wrongs

Thank you Allah 
for the great colleagues and bosses which made me feel a part of a family in the office

Thank you Allah 
for granting me people who loved me for WHO I AM and NEVER GIVE UP ON ME

I am not perfect
I have flaws
A lot of 'em

I made sins and making 'em every second
Small ones
Bigger ones too

But He NEVER STOP GIVING ME things that I'd wish for
I'd wish to be a better servant in the past years.

Forgive all my sins, Ya Rabb.
Forgive all my sins, dear family members.
Forgive all my sins, friends.
Forgive all my sins, teachers, neighbours and other people who had met me previously.

I am nothing than a sinner.

Thank you Ya Rabb.
I pray for a better year ahead.
A better musleemah.
A better daughter.
A better sister.
A better cousin.
A better friend.
A better best friend.
A better lover.

Thank you Allah for NOT GIVING UP ON ME.
Ya Rabb, Please grant Jannah to my parents, siblings and other family members.
Ya Rahman, Please grant Jannah to every musleem around me.
Ya Rahim, Please save all my cousins, the mujaheeds all over the world.

I'd pray YOU will be luckier than me.

May Allah bless.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Only Love Can Save A Wounded Heart


Just when you feel that the world is against you.
Just when you feel that you are alone,
Just when you feel that your imaan is really being tested,
Allah will save you.

Really He will.
Allah breaks our heart to save our souls.
He gives us pain because He loves us.
He tests us with things that we think that we can't handle.
But He is Al-'Alim.
He knows everything that is really best for us.

Kamu diwajibkan berperang (untuk menentang pencerobohan), sedang peperangan itu ialah perkara yang kamu benci dan boleh jadi kamu benci kepada sesuatu padahal ia baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi kamu suka kepada sesuatu padahal ia buruk bagi kamu. Dan (ingatlah), Allah jualah Yang Mengetahui (semuanya itu), sedang kamu tidak mengetahuinya.

I keep on reminding people around me about the above Aayah whenever they seek my advice each time they faced difficulties in life.
I guess I need to be reminded myself.
Allah gave me a test which I can really relate to the Aayah above.

It's really true that when you are being tested, you are actually really closed to Him.
Simply because He is paying extra attention to you right now! Lucky you!

If you feel you are alone, you are so wrong!
You have His love.
Love Him above all and you will be healed.

Allah loves me that He had granted me the best parent and family I could have asked for.
Allah loves me that He had granted me supportive friends around me.
Allah loves me that He tested me at the same time He is teaching me to be strong.
I love Allah.

Do you know that a person is very lucky to have living parent?
Parent's du'as can save you from bad things that might happened to you.
That is the special gift that Allah had given to parents.
Alhamdulillah I have great parent whom keep on praying the best for me Here and Hereafter.
At the point that I feel lost to choose a road, my parent's du'as had saved me.
I believe in Allah's plan and I am being Husnuzon towards Him.

I really am lucky to have supportive friends around me.
Real friends will say the truth even when it may hurt you.
Truth hurts but lie hurt even more.
Real friends will never leave you when you are alone.
Thanks friends!

A special sister of mine just uploaded a V-blog and made me teary.
Who says Jihad is easy?
Do watch her video because insya Allah it will benefit us all.

I feel peace now.

Allah did not promise that the route to Jannah would be easy.
But He did promise that Jannah is sweet.

Allah did not promise that life would be smooth as we wished for,
But He did promise to grant all our wishes.
If He did not grant them now, He will grant us with a better rahmah.

Allah did not promise that our imaan will not be tested.
But He tests us to make us stronger.

May Allah bless~

Monday, October 1, 2012


i need some serious writings to do.
got to make the my statistics for my posts rise!

this time, i'm writing about something about hope.
well, i think i should know about hope.

amanina means "our hope"
sounds so positive right? hahaha
but try talk about pressure.!
imagine me carrying all those hopes.
so many expectations to meet.
tough job huh?
tell me about it!

i guess having a name that carries so much value kinda give advantages to you.
it makes you an optimistic person.
all the time!

sometimes hope can hurt you though.
very hard indeed.
at times that you may think hope can save your life,
it kills you instead.
or worse, it kills you slowly.

people might think that if hope can be so hurtful, then why do we need it so much?
well duhh..
hope is keeping you breathing right now.

Allah is the Most Gracious Hope-Giver.
Without His hope, we are lifeless.
Say alhamdulillah and be thankful for the hope.

one mutawwif once told me,
whenever He gives you a rahmat or anything good,
and if u say "alhamdulillah" 3 times,
the angels will pray for more rahmat for you.
wouldn't you want that?

alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah :)

sometimes you might not like the hope that you're given.
but as long as it's enough for you to continue living,
i guess it'll do just fine for the time being.

my friend always say, Love will grow.
She even used that phrase as her theme/tagline for the wedding.
as for me, Hope will grow.

i'm learning to see things differently now.
i learn that hope is not something you just can wait for it to come,
you need to put some effort and find it yourself.

and when you've found even a slightest hope,
grab it, hold on to it tightly.
coz you might not find the same hope elsewhere.

for all you know, the future is uncertain.
you just can't promise anything.
is a promise a part of hope?

what if things doesn't turn the way you want them to be?
people would normally blame those promises that have been broken.
is it fair then?
to rely on something in the beginning and blaming it at the end.

well, people.
stop blaming and start looking for new hopes.
Allah is with us.
ask Him anything,
request anything that you want.
You'll be granted.

"Dan apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya kepadamu mengenai Aku maka (beritahu kepada mereka): sesungguhnya Aku (Allah) sentiasa hampir (kepada mereka); Aku perkenankan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia berdoa kepadaKu. Maka hendaklah mereka menyahut seruanku (dengan mematuhi perintahKu), dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepadaKu supaya mereka menjadi baik serta betul.(Al-Baqarah Ayat 186)

At times when you feel lost,
find Him.
be close to Him.
love Him above all.
because hope is with Him.
be better.
pray hard.
and you'll never lose that hope.
Insya Allah :)

i may feel like the hope in front of me might not to my liking,
but who am I to question the hope that I'm getting, right?
hikmah or blessings are His secrets.
I'm praying for the best.
I know He is saving the blessings for me to find out.

Don't despair coz hope is everywhere.
May Allah bless~