you control your own life

Sekarang ni banyak sangat stories nak tulis.
Tapi duk tangguh-tangguh memang la blog tu bersawang.
Nak tukar blog template pun tak tukar-tukar.

Latest news about me,
I'm having a hard time right now.
Really low sekarang.


I feel that someone is controlling me right now.
For every single word I said, it seems so wrong.
For every angle I thought, it seems not right.
For every single word I wrote, it looked like the other way round.

I feel so helpless.
The point that I felt disappointed is when I let the person control me.
I feel so low.

I really believe that each person has every right to think, believe, feel and express in his on way.
Nobody should ever over rule all those things.
It's just so wrong!

Even a slave has his own believe, thoughts and expressions.
Just look at Bilal Bin Rabbah.
He kept worshipping Allah even though being tortured by the Kafirun.

Latest study showed that there are more than 800 islamic women scholars back then.
All those beautiful ladies have their own studies, ideas and papers to be shared.

And me?
I let some stranger, not even blood related to control me.?
Gosh, I need some self-reconciling to do.

My lecturer once shared me this,
YOUR IDEAS ARE YOUR ASSETS.
It's so true!

May this be a lesson to me and everyone else.
Taking the opportunity of the Forgiving Month of Syawal,
I apologise for every single wrongdoings to everybody.
And I forgive everyone.

May Allah bless~

the one that got away

This is my current favourite song.
Tiffany Alvord & Chester the one that got away.
The lyrics really hit my heart.

"I should have told that you are meant to me,
Coz now I pay the price"

"In another life, I would make you stay,
So I don't have to say that you're the one that got away"

Today is the final day, the D-day.
The day that I'd wish I can just skip.
Heart started shattering,
Hands are shaking,
Eyes are getting blurry,
And slowly tears started to fall.
It's painful it's just like cancer deteriorating the body.

Would you just at least for a second understand how I'm feeling right now.
Sometimes I just wished you could at least feel this feeling for a minute,
I just wished I am stronger.

I said I am a strong girl.
I built a huge defensive wall all around me,
So that I wont get hurt.

But I guess,
I've lost at my own game.
I've destroyed my own wall.
Look what that got me into.
I'm suffocating.

God, please let me be stronger.
Please let me face all the challenges ahead with a big bright smile,
Please let my imaan control myself and not my emotions.
Please let me move on.

May Allah bless~

waiting for the rainbow to shine

I have not write for a quite some time in 2012.

You can see the statistics so obvious from my post history.

A lot had happened in 8 months.

I wished I had started writing from January but as usual, procrastination is a serious disease.

Anyways, just to share my latest emotion status: i'm confused!

haha.

When you're at the age of getting married, I guess this is the phase in your life that you become topsy turvy and sometimes you lose your way.

For this post, I would like to share something I learned about something about marriage.

Lame post huh?

I know.

But it's something that EVERYONE should know.

Ladies, if you have met someone and along the road, you met someone better,

Better in a sense that you actually thought that you've found your SOULMATE,

You need to take a step back and think again.

Our dear Prophet had said,

“Apabila orang yang engkau redha agama dan akhlaknya datang meminang, maka kahwinkanlah dia, jika tidak kamu lakukan demikian akan berlakulah fitnah di bumi dan kerosakkan yang besar."

Source : http://webblog.myjodoh.net/2007/07/16/panduan-memilih-jodoh-daripada-rasulullah/

And dear Muhammad pbuh said again,

Para sahabat bertanya, “Ya Rasulullah ! Walaupun dia telah mempunyai isteri?” Lalu Rasulullah s.a.w mengulangi, “Apabila orang yang engkau redha agama dan akhlaknya datang meminang, maka kahwinkanlah dia!” sebanyak tiga kali. 

Source : http://webblog.myjodoh.net/2007/07/16/panduan-memilih-jodoh-daripada-rasulullah/

So, dear sisters, if you have too many choices, let's get back to basic.

From my experience,

1. Be good because that's what Allah wants.

2. Istikharah because only Allah knows the best for us.

3. If a man who happens to have such good akhlak asks for a hand in marriage, ACCEPT him! because that's what our dear Nabi had taught us.

4. If you found another guy whom you think you like better that the first guy, well, you really need to start cracking your head to find reasons for dumping the first guy. Remember, it's what you need to answer to Allah that matters because breaking promises is MUNAFIK nauzubillah.

I thought I've fallen in love for a guy whom happens to hit so many points from my dream-guy list.

But Allah knows best.

I'd pray for the best answer and I finally got one.

To tell you the truth,

That answer is not what I really want,

but Allah will grant you a partner whom you NEED right?

Life is a learning process.

New pains can turn into new wounds.

New wounds can leave scares.

The scares that make you heart stronger.

MayAllah bless.

Cry to save a heart

Oh God, spear me some tears

Let it all out

So I don't have to carry this guilt

Please don't let it hold back even one drop of it

Coz every drop means regretful

Please let my heart be at ease 

Coz God, I only have you

For only your love makes me feel peace

No doubts towards your love

For I will never be heart broken as long as I am with you

God, I just want to cry, cry and cry right now

Let me smile again for tomorrow

Don't let me fake the smile

Fake smiles only breaks the heart even worst

Heart, please heal fast

Heart, please don't torture yourself

Heart, please be strong

Heart, please don't fall sick

Let imaan heals you

may Allah bless